If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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