apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
