I just cut my nipple shaving
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
