You made me cry and you don't even care
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
