Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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