We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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