You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
