Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
