finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That accounts for only three of the penises
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
