So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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