Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
