Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
