your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
