I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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