I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
