Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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