Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
