Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
