Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My feet surprised me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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