My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
