i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
