god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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