sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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