p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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