OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
