when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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