He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
