Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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