I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You peed on a flamingo?!?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
