sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
