Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
