New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
