I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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