So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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