my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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