No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
