Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
