Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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