there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
we're so committed to being not committed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
