I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
