the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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