i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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