Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
