zippers are such a cool invention
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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