I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
