we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize