It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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