He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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