seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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