i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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