Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
