She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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