She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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