porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize