i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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