im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Vodka?
Forever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
