he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
