Michael Bay diarrhea
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
