I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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