We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
