Say something about gay babies.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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