walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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