Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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