Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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